There is this thing called the “Buffer Zone” that has infiltrated the morale of the unit. The phrase gets tossed around casually, almost with and air of laughter, but its not what it seems. In actuality that one combination of two little words holds more weight (literally and figuratively) than one would ever deem possible upon first hearing them.

The term “Buffer Zone” can make or break you if you let it. What it refers to is the 4 pound difference between when you hit your 90% and when the team comes to the group decision to start reducing the 3,000 calorie daily intake. At this point the Ensures are already gone. Out of the two prescribed per diem they take the first off the schedule when you get to your 90% the second time, the same day they grace you with the holy passes, and the second Ensure goes the following weight day. All of this, the Ensures, the buffer zone, passes; it all pertains to the most important stage of the recovery process – the weight maintenance phase.

My problem with the buffer zone is that people here seem to give it an immense amount of power over them. Its a cause for over-analysis with eventual freak out potential. We all feel at least a minute amount of hesitance as we approach our 90%s because its the universal do not cross line for gaining here. In truth though, what so many people often fail to recognize, is that even at our 90% we are still not 100%. We are still considered underweight according to the standards set by our heights and ages. Even within the 4 pound buffer zone, above our 90%s, we are still not at our ideal body weights yet, in many people’s minds, it seems to become a glass ceiling. Elle was one such thinker. There were more than a few weight days before her final departure that prompted the morning to begin in tears. I know that its hard to see the scale numbers rise. I’m not at all trying to say its easy, even for me. Its just putting that name, that label, to it turns it into a boundary. Would it really be that bad to go above the buffer though? If any of us leave here believing that we have limits to our recovery process we are just going to damage our chances for success.

My view of it all is that I remember, very clearly, that only a handful of years ago I was right below the middle of my normal weight range and I felt really good about myself. I was 123, a good 10 pounds above my 90, and I was happy. Sure I had problems but they weren’t about my looks. It was only later, when I realized I couldn’t control some of my problems, that insecurity translated itself into an eating disorder. I guess what I’m saying is that I just don’t want to go there. Its for my own safety. If my mind lets the standard get set to a lower bar I won’t get through this.

Self protection is a must right now.