Biding time. Biding time. Awake at 3 am again from the pain of rolling over in the not-so-soft bed as my jutting bones make me feel much like a low-sitting table when I am laying down. Thats the only way to explain the sensation of not quite being flush with the mattress no matter what position I’m in. I am held up, hovering it seems, by my hips and elbows.

As I flipped on the light and threw the thin sheets the bruising on the outsides of both my knees and thighs glare in many purple dime-sized spots back at me. It would seems that I may have been a bit more bested in my battle with my two heavy bags than I originally thought as I ambled my way from train to Inst to hotel yesterday. At least my arms aren’t as sore as I had imagined they would be.

The community bathroom was thankfully empty so I showered, not quite sure when I would next get the chance. Curiouser and curiuoser I am wondering what the upcoming day will bring as the lukewarm water runs comfortingly down my spine. Is it a sign of situational direness that the foremost question in my mind has to do with what they will be serving for lunch? Out of all possibilities the coming day may hold this is what keeps creeping into my thoughts. It will be the first meal I will be partaking in at the Inst and I have been told that, at least for the first few weeks, options in my menu will not exist. I tried to ask what I am supposed to do if I am faced with something I just plain don’t like but the answer comes in the form of imminent repercussions if 100% my every meal on the plan is not consumed. All I can say is that hopefully they don’t serve things like cottage cheese, melon, or egg salad very often. I may be a picky eater but there isn’t too much that truly makes me gag so my best bet sounds like it will be to close my eyes and choke it down. I understand that it is all about exposure to variety and that so many of us int this state of starvation don’t know anymore what foods we actually like and dislike. So many foods fall out of our daily consumption routines for superfluous backwards reasons that, without even being aware of it, our taste buds take a backseat when it comes to ingestion.

I am determined though. That will be my first vow: I promise to at LEAST try everything that is placed in front of me. I won’t have to eat things i don’t like forever and a few weeks, until I can start choosing thing on my menu, won’t kill me. In fact the opposite – What I do in the next few weeks will be the first steps in saving my life.

Its 6:30 and there is a Starbucks down the street that seems to be calling my name. Time to break the bay and brave the crosswalks as the morning traffic thickens.