“She almost looks normal, doesn’t she?” Hank, Diane’s husband didn’t even try to keep his voice down as he addressed the oldest of their 6 children. The boy nodded slightly, with a hint of embarrassment in his cheeks, as his father continued to voice his train of thought. “She doesn’t look so…Well, she’s got some meat on her bones anyways; some umph to her face.” He turned to look at his object of description. Diane was across the room getting her evening vital signs done in the little red chair next to the nurse’s station. Her eyes didn’t reflect whether she had heard her husbands comments or not and, although I don’t think he particularly meant for her to catch wind of them, He hadn’t censored his observations either.

Open mouth - insert foot...

So many people it seems just don’t know what to say to a person recovering from and eating disorder. Then again there is no right thing to say because even the basic “you look so healthy” can be taken the wrong way. I don’t know when exactly the term “healthy” started translating into “fat” but, somewhere along the line it morphed in our brains to take the shape pf something undesirable. Our friends and family just want to support us, and they really do mean well, but when one of them jokes over the phone “So, you getting chubby?” somehow the laughter is lost.

Sometimes we are able to brush it off. Sometimes it can take a little while and some contemplative processing of the situation. Sometimes, too, it just depends on where our heads are at in order to evoke some positivity from the compliment. It is inevitable though; these comments will happen. Just the other day a man, talking to one of the patients out in the fresh air park, patted his own tummy and exclaimed with a grin: “They’re fattening you up, huh?” He was kidding around. He didn’t know the reason she was here at the institute. A comment like that though could be a potential major setback.

Amy, who has recently reached her 90%, went shopping with her mom and sister the other day. Amidst the racks of colorful fall clothes and warmer winter jackets they chatted ideally. Amy doesn’t remember what the conversation was about though. What stands out for her was her sister exclaiming: “Hey! You have your butt back!” and her mom following that up with: “That reminds me; we should get you a few new bras too, now that you can fit into one. Amy doesn’t like that those were the words for the day that stood out for her almost as much as she doesn’t like that they were said in the first place. Its so easy to just wish that everyone else had a little more sensitivity to the situation and vocal censorship while simultaneously wishing we ourselves could grow a thicker skin. Even that common phrase though translates differently for us. Thinking of growing a thicker skin denotes the gaining of something in our minds and gaining always translates to a weight issue.

All of this is why longer treatment for an eating disorder, to be in recovery, doesn’t mean just putting on the bodyweight you lost. In fact, most people say thats the easy part. The real challenge comes after the physical gain; its about really changing the way we think. Restructuring a mind is a difficult thing in a healthy person, let alone one who, at a diminished weight has lost brain matter and the ability to focus through starvation. There is pretty much no sense in trying to break through in therapy until the person has put on enough weight to really start thinking clearly.

All of this is why I’m here though. They are constantly trying to find new and improved ways in which to fight anorexia. Thats part of the drive for me to get better myself – being able to help in the success ratio for the disorder with the highest mortality rate on record. I’m using my experience to help make things better and that makes in one of the most important jobs I have ever done. Another reason to feel proud.