So many of the other patients discharge dates are coming up seemingly all at once. I guess, when they got here, they came in a wave that spanned only a couple of weeks and now they are all leaving on the crest of the opposite tide. Our numbers are starting to dwindle and with all those close to departure going out on passes around the city so frequently it becomes apparent during mealtimes when there are only 3 or 4 or us at the table. With everyone gone the silence that didn’t seem possible before echoes through the dimly lit halls.

Generally the space created by one of us returning home is filled almost instantly. Occasionally its even a day or two before, as they did with me when my bed was in the quiet room for my first 2 nights. But we haven’t had anyone new since the arrival of Diane almost 3 weeks ago. Diane herself has since adjusted to life within and seems to be fitting with the rest of us quite nicely in her own little way. She retains some of her cautious aloofness, remaining on the outskirts of most groups and spending just about all of her spare time reading, but she is now quick with a smile and much easier to converse with.

I do hope they are able to bring some new people in soon. I’m not sure I really like the absence of life in this place where health is the main concern. It just doesn’t sit well with me and seems to carry with it an odd sense of unease. There have been a few rumors floating around to do with the possibility of a new arrival sometime next week but no one knows for sure. Right now we have 2 beds open and a week from today we will have at least 2 more. Even though there is always some stress, for both us and them, when someone new comes in and it takes a little while for them to adjust, it still makes things that much more eventful when it does.

While walking outside this morning during one of our fresh air breaks there was a conversation of predictions. In a perfect world (aside from none of us being here in the first place) each one of us who leaves these walls would have complete recovery success. Heck, we would all have not only complete recovery success the perfect mending of our outside relationships. Our previous jobs would not only allow us back but would have also missed us when we were gone. We’d get to do all the things we ever wanted to do in time and be happy as clams while everything came up rosy around us…

The truth is though, while some of that might become reality for a few of us, not everyone here will find recovery playing the significant role it was cast for in their lives. We HOPE everyone will get better but there are just some people who seem to have a much better chance than others. So much of eating disorder recovery depends on your state of mind and personal attitude towards it.

…to be continued…