Movin’ on up

I am sitting at my desk looking out the window. This would be the new, large, double window with its own built-in book shelf ledge that I am speaking of. I’ve got blinds that are mine to adjust and enough floor space to comfortably accommodate my slowly growing turrets of miscellany. I already know that i will be sending some of these things home with my mom and Chris when they come to visit. There is just no way I am going to make it to the train station, let alone all the way back to Virginia, with all these extras. What I was getting at though, what all of this amounts to, is the announcement that I have officially moved into my single bed suite. Are those trumpets sounding in the distance that I hear?

Its been a bit of musical rooms here recently. Elle moved out, Heather moved into Elle’s spot, then Carrina went home and now I have moved into her old room. Next Thursday Elle goes home and I will be sharing a bathroom with either Molly or Amy. Its all in the rotation. Even though I had told Elle that I would be taking the single room that adjoins hers as soon as I could I almost didn’t when it became available yesterday. When she had moved out of our double room and I had the chance to have the space all to myself and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it. I was wary though of which new patient might be coming to fill that space before Carrina’s room opened up. Then along came Heather.

At 5’11” her stature was a bit intimidating at first. Upon initial impression she struck me as someone who could hold her ground. She was friendly when approached but wore a no bullshit expression as she seemed to take in her surroundings with all seriousness. It wasn’t until the evening of her first day that we actually had a chat while getting ready for bed in our newly shared room. We exchanged the basics, her being a 33-year-old bartender originally from California but living in New York for the past couple of years, and then moved on as the conversation flowed.

After a while I found out that we actually have quite a bit in common. One of the main things that we share are the roots of our eating disorders. For both of us the restriction of food stemmed from the act of becoming sober from previous alcohol abuse. Shes got 5 and 1/2 years of sobriety time and October 4th will mark my third year. With the realization that sobriety was achievable we had each decided that to start eating right and getting in shape was the next step to a healthy body and clear mind. Then, for each of us, that desire to achieve health just spun out of control without either of us realizing it. We had each basically traded one addiction of another.

This relevation was amazing to me. In all my years of dealing with eating disorders, learning about them and having one myself, I had never met anyone who could really identify with where I was coming from. To say that it felt really good would be a severe understatement. With what we had in common and us getting along I almost didn’t want to move out of the double room. It was actually a tough decision but, in the end, the pros of moving outweighed the cons. I needed more space and it wasn’t like I was going very far. I know for a fact though that I want to get to know Heather better, and there will definitely be time for that in the months to come.

Ahoy, Room-matey!

I guess I got my wish. With 2 more new patients in just 2 days the beds are filling up and rooms are getting switched around. Jeanette broke down saying her goodbyes in Community Meeting today and her beautiful French accent was apparent even through her tears. Having grown up in Paris she is now 24 and has been making her way in New York for almost 3 years now, going to school and actually working in a different part of Columbia’s research building.

Thursday is her last day and she has already packed up most of her room. It takes a few minutes for her to catch her breath and her voice warbles when she does so, but through it all she is still able to express, even while explaining that she can’t find the right words, how immensely thankful she is for this program. Elle, who will be moving out of our room and into Jeanette’s single bedroom once shes gone, puts her hand on Jeanettes shoulder. No one can say that bonds haven’t been made here.

Once Elle leaves I will be figuring out cohabitation with a new roommate for about 6 days or so, until Carrina goes home as well. At that point I will be moving into the twin of Elle’s new room. The two bedrooms are smaller than the doubles but have more than enough space for one person. Once I move Elle will be in the room next door and we will be sharing the bathroom that links the suites together.

I definitely got lucky having my awesome roomie...

Its going to be a bit hard losing her as a roommate since we have grown so accustomed to each other and work in a balance of quirks and moods but at least I’ll be getting my own place in the end. It will be nice to have that extra privacy and she’ll still, at least, be near by for the occasional late night chat.

When I first got here, if I had been asked, I would have probably voted Elle as the person I would be least likely to really become friends with. She was very quiet and seemed to regard me with, what I thought at the time was, contempt. I read her silence as though I was an annoyance to her. Something like a gnat on a balmy summer night. As it turned out that was just me though, my mind jumping to assumption, thinking that whatever anyone’s problem is it must have something to do with me. Elle has a quality of neatness that is consistent with OCD. The compulsion to organize and color-coordinate her perfectly folded laundry is the same one that insists she eats things in a certain order and doesn’t allow her to pick up food with her hands. Recently she has been doing much better at mealtimes but, when I first met her, it was these issues of her own plaguing her that caused my misguided interpretation.

At the age of 29 Elle is the proud head manager of a large clothing store. Its a chain store and her branch is located in Seattle where she lives with her Shih tzu puppy, Sisko. Born in Guatemala and adopted into the US as a baby she has lived in Washington most of her life. She stands at least 4 inches taller than me and has an amazing fashion sense that i have found completely suits her the more I get to know her. She is a lesbian and constantly gels her short black hair into various styles of mohawk-esque spikiness but her clothes are more femenine than the items I have hanging in my own closet. She pays pique attention to picking outfits and matching jewelry, somehow wearing whatever the choice comes to for the day with comfort and grace.

A roommate classic.

She is unique. Its something about the way she carries herself in front of others. There is a strength and determination of almost stoic relentlessness behind her dark eyes and yet, when she opens up, shes got a beautiful laugh and an astounding singing voice. I like our late night talks and I’m glad she feels she can confide in me. It just goes to show that sometimes the people you least expect can make the biggest difference.

Versus

I got to go outside yesterday for the first time in two. After each meal there is an alloted amount slot of time for “fresh air” and you have to have eaten 100% of the previous 3 meals in order to achieve the privilege. Since I had arrived I had always just assumed that “fresh air” time was more for smokers than anyone else and that all you did was stand around on the pavement out front doing nothing. It didn’t seem terribly appealing to me so I was pretty surprised to find that assumption proved wrong once again.

We elevated down to the bottom floor and exited at the side of the building into the natural light. It was the first non-rainy day in almost a week and the warmth felt great. By comparison our little wing of the hospital could have passed for an icebox. We stepped out onto a short walkway leading to a small lawn, a semi-neglected little garden, numerous benches and chairs, and a rather good view of the Hudson River beyond the highway. I don’t know if I’ll be going out every time the opportunity arises but I was definitely pleasantly surprised.

Towards the end of our little outing we were joined by 5 or 6 guys from the THC study that is occurring in a different wing of the building. Apparently there is a lot more going on here than I am aware of because fascination upon finding out that there was an actual study promoting the smoking of pot definitely ensued. Its like Wonka’s chocolate factory – you never know what going on behind the next closed door!

Back in the building again I finally got the okay to move into my new room. My roommate, Elle, had already established herself in the space closes to the window so I began unpacking my thing on the remaining bed next to the door. Twin sets of basic furniture decorated either side of the room and we each had a barren closet that I wasn’t entirely sure what to do with. Elle, who has been here once before for treatment, informed me that they used to come equipped with hangers but that privilege was taken away when one of the previous residents had apparently tried to hang herself from her hanger. So, with no real dresser as replacement, I finagled my suitcases into a make-shift tower for my clothes with a shrug. Heck, you win some, you lose some, right?

Oh, and due to the force of gravity vs. the strength of a plastic hanger I wasn’t surprised to hear that the suicidal girl hadn’t succeeded. This may be a semi-surreal setting compared to every day life but the laws of physics do still apply.