Strength in Numbers

There is no reason for me to not be writing. Since I have gotten “home” (which is in “” because although its where I came from its a very new home) I would like to chalk up the silence to just being very busy, but that would not be completely true. I am also compelled to say that everything is just normal, the average day-to-day, blah blah etcetera…but this is also not the case.

One of the many "Recovery Rabbits"

Sure I am busy, working 6 days a week for the time being and moving/unpacking/getting settled in the few hours I am not at the tattoo shop, but I’m really not too busy to write when it comes down to it. In my chosen “down” time I have been furiously stitching my sock rabbits for the annual Christmas donation to UVA Hospital’s Pediatric Ward but I am pretty sure I will not have quite as many as last year. Regardless of amount its a good thing though – on many fronts.  More on the Rabbit front in the future.

Being back at work has been nice. Being able to tattoo without my muscle-lacking wrist getting sore, being able to stay awake throughout the day, being able to actually think about and focus on the art and not the bottomless pit of hunger that occupied so much of me for so long. I have cause to my actions now. There is logical reason behind what I do and, most of all, I feel sane in my decisions. I may have gained some weight but its a small price to pay for happiness and sanity. This process shows more every day that there is strength in numbers in more ways than one.

Speaking of which I also have a roommate sharing the lovely new apartment with me. Benji moved cross-country about 3 weeks ago from his home in Las Vegas for a new start. He drove for 3 days with his Dad, got a job within the first week of being here, and has been adjusting to the change in lifestyle nicely. We live well together. The 2 bedroom apartment fits us perfectly and, although we don’t rely on each other for recovery, we definitely help each other out.

Benji and I at the 9-11 "postcard" memorial on Staten Island

This shift in my life that has taken place over the last 5 months, from being in NY to the major differences in my circumstances upon the return home, would have been indescribably more difficult without Benji making his own recovery-induced changes. Every day the sense of how lucky I am that he included me in this part of his life is renewed. Sure, we both still have our own hang-ups and trials, but having a friend that knows exactly what you are going through is beyond amazing.  This is just another way that recovery has proven again that there is strength in numbers.

 

Creatively Written (part II)

Picking up from yesterday here were my own responses to the questions we had each been given…

Why do bunnies have pink noses? Because of jelly beans.

How do birds fly? Because they have wings.

What makes the pictures in my TV? Modern invention.

Where does the color blue come from? A wheel of balance.

Why do we have two ears? To hear better.

Where does our thinking go when we sleep? The recesses of our minds.

Why are our teeth white? We don’t smoke or drink coffee.

What do wild monkeys eat? Oatmeal in children’s bowls.

Why is the sky blue? It’s light out.

What makes the subway cars go? Motors and wheels.

Why do we have fingerprints? So we can leave a mark.

How do fish not drown? They have filters.

How do lightbulbs work? Energy through switch flipping.

Why is dirt brown? To make mud pies.

How do planes stay in the air? Due to a disillusioned altitude.

Why do we have fingernails? We will claw our way out.

What are dreams? Different versions of reality.

Why is today Tuesday? It wanted to be.

Why is water wet? What is wet?

What do worms do all day? Tunnel through the tough spots.

How does ice get to be ice? It froze when it was ready.

How does the refrigerator stay cold inside? We close the door and stay plugged in.

How (or why) do trees grow leaves? Its the next step in the process.

…And now this is the paragraph that I somewhat haphazardly put together before I knew what its theme was supposed to reveal:

Modern invention. Its the next step in the process; a wheel of balance so we can leave a mark. We close the door and stay plugged in due to a disillusioned altitude. We don’t smoke or drink coffee but the recesses of our minds tell us that the light is out. To hear better we have filters; different versions of reality. We have motors and wheels to create energy through switch-flipping. It froze when it thought it needed to but we do have wings and there are jelly beans, oatmeal in children’s bowls, and the makings of mud pies. All of this to tunnel through the tough spots. We may not know what wet is but we’ll claw our way out if thats the way we want things to be.

…Once I read this aloud, with the idea of it being a view on how I look at life, it just really caused me to think. I’m not sure yet what I fully make of it but somehow it fits for me. Somehow it makes sense. The response I got from my peers was mostly that it showed that I saw life and what is going on around me as something to question. They didn’t mean question in a bad way…more so that I apparently have an optimism to change and I see that as a good thing. For some reason, though, I see the writing as more. I agree with what they said but it hits me personally on a different lever. Maybe its just a different intensity. I have to sort it out a bit more but, above anything else, it makes me feels good and if thats all I take from it then thats enough but I think I will still do some exploring.

Creatively Written (part I)

For the most part, unless the instructor is out for some rare reason, we have a creative writing group each and every Tuesday. Shes pretty reliable, only out a few times, and I definitely miss this set aside time when we don’t have it. Its not exactly what you would think of when you think “creative writing group”. Its not about how to write better, more descriptively, or grammar corrections. The instructor really knows her stuff and what she does is gives urging through prompts and then, after a few minutes of wordplay, we read aloud and analyze what we have written. Its almost like art therapy but with writing instead. We work on trying to find out what our writing says about us. Often when we each read aloud the others around the table hear hidden messages and meanings in the words that we never realized were present.

This week she gave us a list of simple questions and we were told to reply to each one with whatever came to our minds when we read the question. What we came up with didn’t necessarily have to be a direct response to the question itself but, at least preferably, a semi-complete thought or part of a sentence that had to do with what we thought about it. After we had written down our answers she then told us to find a blank sheet of paper and write down only what we had written as reply to each question but we were supposed to turn it into a paragraph that had some flow to it. It didn’t have to make complete sense but it couldn’t be totally disjointed. When we read our paragraphs out loud it was supposed to invoke a view into the various ways we looked at life. It was a lot of intrinsic translation that could only be seen through the eyes of a bystander.

The questions:

Why do bunnies have pink noses?

How do birds fly?

What makes the pictures in my TV?

Where does the color ——- come from?

Why do we have two ears?

Where does our thinking go when we sleep?

Why are our teeth white?

What do wild monkeys eat?

Why is the sky blue?

What makes the subway cars go?

Why do we have fingerprints?

How do fish not drown?

How do lightbulbs work?

Why is dirt brown?

How do planes stay in the air?

Why do we have fingernails?

What are dreams?

Why is today Tuesday?

Why is water wet?

What do worms do all day?

How does ice get to be ice?

How does the refrigerator stay cold inside?

How (or why) do trees grow leaves?

…the answers tomorrow.